Hi man, I really don’t know how you stumbled upon my website.
Maybe a friend gave you a recommendation or a blogger wrote an article about it or you just googled “Amsterdam red light district”. I don’t know and I don’t really care. But let me tell you one thing:
So please read the whole text, it will be useful to you, I promise. There are many online guides to Amsterdam, but I absolutely guarantee you won’t find a guide like this one anywhere else on the Web. All the other online guides with their fancy pictures and boring blah-blah about Amsterdam history will recommend a pedal boat ride or taking tourist coach bus as a must-do. I mean, if you really see these activities as the paramount reasons to visit Amsterdam, there is no need to continue reading this page and I wish you a pleasant stay in Amsterdam.
Sure, you've heard that Amsterdam is the city of ultimate freedom and one of the few places on Earth where marihuana and prostitution are perfectly legal. You may have also heard that the Red Light District is the happiest place in Amsterdam. It’s all true.
However, that doesn’t mean that the Red Light District is a "cakewalk" as many present it. It is NOT a safe place. The girls will rip you off if you don’t know the real prices and what’s included. The thieves will take everything you’ve got if you’re not armed with knowledge on how they operate. Mixing legal drugs and legal prostitution can get you in some serious legal trouble as well. Generally speaking, if you’re clueless about these and many other things, the Red Light District is FAR from being just “let’s go to the District, fuck some girls and smoke a joint”. If you’re not convinced, just take a good hard look at the newspaper article below, it will help you understand what am I talking about:
Please understand that the purpose of this guidebook is not to scare you, create paranoia, or any kind of negative mood before your trip to Amsterdam. Its sole purpose is to arm you with the neccessary knowledge to avoid all the nasty things that happen to careless tourists, so your stay in Amsterdam could be what it was meant to be - the safest and the most enjoyable experience possible.
But I’m getting ahead of myself...
I guess you’re a normal, red-blooded guy who prefers window-shopping for beautiful girls to a long history lecture, so I keep it short and sweet instead. You will read why the Red Light District is an integral part of Dutch tradition and then we move on to the juicier stuff.
I know what you’re going to say now. “What do you mean when I’ll go? Immediately!” But look, sure, you can go at any time, it’s just that in case you want to fuck - and not just “go sightseeing” - different times of day and night represent different work shifts for girls there. If you don’t know the peculiarities of each shift, you’ll end up screwing uglier girls than you have to, paying more for it, and ultimately leaving unsatisfied. Not a good thing, uh? So, I’ll tell you when to go, what to say and what you should pay in order to ensure that the only memories that you have of the Red Light District are the ones of a wild sweaty sex with a bombshell (or two, if you want a threesome).
All these canals and narrow streets of Amsterdam can seriously confuse any foreigner, even the one armed with a map. That’s why I’ll give you not only the clearly marked maps of the best places to go - including what I call “the VIP area” where all the girls looking ten times hotter than your favorite porn star cost the same as the regular girls elsewhere in the District. Finally, to ensure you don’t get lost I will also you give you the detailed written directions to the epicenter of the Red Light District.
In many ways, walking around the Red Light District is similar to being a kid in a toy store. There’re so many sexy girls luring you into their windows that it’s very hard to choose the one you’ll actually spend some quality time with. However, some of these chicks are insane whore ready to bite off your cock in mid-blowjob if you say something they don’t like (I’m not making up this stuff - it really happened a few times.) Some others are transvestites that REALLY LOOK like insanely hot chicks, but just happen to have a boner. Don’t worry, I’ve got it all covered. You’ll not only learn to identify the wackos and chicks with dicks, but also how to choose genuine female beauties that will make sure your trip to the Red Light District is a nice, safe and memorable one.
If you don’t know the unwritten rules of pricing of the Red Light District, I can guarantee that you WILL get ripped off (and then some). There’re certain things you must discuss with a girl before entering her window and sealing the deal to ensure she doesn’t screw you financially. In fact, if you know what you’re doing, you can even ensure the “sale price”. Neat, huh? I’ll teach you all about that, and more.
Buying some time with the girl of your wet dreams ain’t easy as flashing your money and entering her window for some energetic humping. Prostitution being legal and all, every girl in the Red Light District can choose whether she wants to accept you as her client or not. Most of them are not really picky when it comes to physical appearance, but they do have another kind of screening process which is extremely important to them. During that subtle screening, she will ask you several questions which seem casual, but which will ultimately decide the difference between you fucking her brains out and she kicking you out on the street before sex. Even worse, it may happen that a girl decides to have sex with you but to remain nervous and unable to relax and you end up paying for a very, very bad sex. We don’t want this to happen. Fortunately for you, I’ve learned it all the hard way and I’m gonna give you the correct answers.
The Red Light District may be a Heaven on Earth once you’re insider, but for an enthusiastic uninformed tourist it can easily turn into Hell. The most common shortcut to all kinds of nasty problems (including trouble with the Dutch law) is not knowing what you’re allowed to do and what you aren’t once you’re there. More info in the book.
A thing that often happens to first-timers in the Red Light District is that they are shocked by the whole thing - the insane reality that hot women are standing in the window and that you can LEGALLY pay, go in and have sex with them. Also, discussing prices with a girl you’re about to fuck within minutes while other people are passing you by in the narrow streets of the District can easily mess up with your head and cause your manhood to malfunction when it should proudly stand and do its best. Don’t worry, I will explain how to easily avoid it without Viagra or any other chemical.
In Amsterdam, both marihuana and prostitution are legal. Sure, that sounds like a great thing, but many dudes who visit the Red Light District mix it the wrong way and even end up in legal trouble with the Dutch authorities. I will give you a simple but powerful tip how to avoid these usual problems and keep the good times rollin’.
Want a threesome? Interested in Asian or black girls? Itching to visit the best strip bar in the District? I’ve got it all covered. These are just some of the things you’ll learn from my book.
If you are like most tourists, you probably get your travel advice from various guides with fancy pictures and hundreds of pages or you ask a friend who has already “been there”.
Listen to me. These travel guides deliver a few nice tips here and there, but when it comes to activities which are not G-rated, they are all weak, and they are missing the essence. The publishers must watch their language. If they come up too dirty, the sales will drop and their “reputation” will be diminished. ‘Cause yes, we still live in a world where real language and real advice in public are considered immoral.
There’s no bullshit in my book. I’ll be 100% direct and real with you. If you don’t like my language, get out of this site and continue reading the mainstream travel guides while the other guys are enjoying the best lays in their entire lives. I don’t mind. You can write a hate article about me, call me a sexist asshole on your blog, whatever. My mission is to reach guys who want an insider’s information about the Red Light District, not the conservative, narrow-minded folks.
If you’re offended with my language or more interested in taking photos of old building than fucking hot girls in the Red Light District, get out of my site and continue reading “Lonely Planet” instead.
Some of you may have a friend who’s been to Amsterdam before. So you ask for advice and then you hear something like there’s no reason to worry. Your buddy also doesn’t mention being stoned out of his skull for the most of the trip and waking up with a condom in his ass, let alone knowing anything about all the guys who get themselves into trouble in the District.
Don’t live in ignorance! The only experts on the Red Light District are the regulars there and I am one of them for the last five years. Since I became a frequent customer of a few BOMBSHELL prostitutes and they are VERY talkative with me, I know everything there is to know about the District. If you ask someone who’s been there one or two times, the risk of getting false advice is just way too high.
This is an ebook in PDF format and it’s available within minutes. It requires only Adobe Reader to open. You will get the download link in your email and you can start reading it right away. If you buy real book over the internet, you need to be prepared to wait up to few weeks before you get it. Can Amsterdam wait for that long?
NOTE: before you download your copy of the guide, you might want to see two cool bonus gifts you will receive! Just scroll down to check it out!
I have received several hundreds of emails since I wrote the book. I keep getting them every day, since most of the guys who got the book seem to have almost too much fun in Amsterdam. (If any of you are reading this - thanks once more, guys!). Here’s what other people just like you think about my book. I changed their real names for privacy reasons and left all the spelling errors to keep the messages authentic:
"Travelling to Amsterdam for the first time next week. I just finished your book. Well done! Worth every cent. I like your writing style and I feel completely prepared for my adventure."
“I just wanted to say thanks! I was planning on going to Amsterdam for a couple of months with friends, but we had absolutely no idea how it's gonna look and what we should do once we get to the district. Your guide was brilliant! After reading it I was so much more relaxed about the whole thing as I was prepared... once my friends and I got there we had the best fun of our lives! And everything you said about the "traps" was true! But none of it hit us as we knew it in advance, so we even saved a bunch of money and ended up being with 2-3 times more "workers" than we would have if we didn't know this stuff! Thanks for the extra tips! We had an amazing time!"
"Hey David! I LOVED the book! So much information! I didn't want to contact you before I actually went to Amsterdam. Was there last week, man, it was fucking incredible! My friends and I had the best time of our lives, I've been with 5 girls, and even had a threesome, I still can't believe the whole thing, your guide saved one of my friends from some trouble and once we were there I saw all the tricks you were talking about, i think your book saved us over a $1000 altogether, we'd end up paying much more for a lot less fun with the girls! Thanks for everything!"
"Great tips, great book! I was completely confused about the whole thing with the trip, now I feel so much better that at least I know what to expect, what a relief. I can't wait to go! Thanks for writing this stuff, lot's of street smarts, couldn't find anything like this on official guides... wish me luck man, ciao"
"Love the guide first off. Looked at a lot of crap online. It’s nice to run into something by someone with experience and the same taste in whores even."
"This has been one of the best and most useful guides I have ever read and tested in practice. Lets just say this is a life changing experience, after visiting Red Light District, nothing is the same any more and your guide helped me a lot. Special thanx on tips how to introduce ,negotiate and arrange a threesome. I'll be more than glad to recommend this guide to all my friends."
These are just some of the emails and I hope I’ll receive one just like that from you soon! But let’s move on...
As I’ve said, I am really happy because no customer complained so far. Some of them did point out that a guide covers the Red Light District only and doesn’t even mention the famous Amsterdam Coffeeshops where visitors and locals alike go to relax after visiting Red Light District with some of the Amsterdam's finest varieties of cannabis or hashish (or both :)). Personally, I am not a big fan of coffeeshops (though I visit them from time to time), but I wanted to provide you with the best information on that topic as well, so I partnered with my pal Marco. He’s been working in coffeeshops for the last ten years, so I guess we can safely say he’s an expert. After two days and five grams of "White Whidow" cannabis (smoked by Marco, I had to take notes), we’ve gathered enough information to create a guide to coffeeshops. I think we made it easy-to-read, entertaining and extremely useful. And guess what - it’s yours for free! (That is, it’s free if you purchase “The Red Light District Guide”.)
I will not dwell much on this. Instead, I'll give you a brief rundown of the content:
The Amsterdam coffeeshops overview – a brief look at the history of tolerance of Dutchmen towards the consumption of recreational drugs. No boring historical and superfluous small talk here.
Coffeeshop Do’s and Don'ts - a lot of great advice and recommendations. How to differentiate between a coffeeshop and an ordinary cafe? How do you know how much to buy? What is wise to try, and what is not? Are you allowed to bring with you the things you bought?
Buying Tips - absolutely everything you need to know when shopping in a coffeeshop. How to manage yourself in the sea of grass and hashish names when they all sound great? What sorts you’ve gotta try and what sorts you should avoid at all costs? How to recognize whether the grass is shaken? Should you buy more or less dried goods? How to make sure that you get what you ordered and paid for?
Smoking Tips - Smoking - finally! Marco and I will show you how!
Insider stories - as I’ve said, Marco’s been working at a coffeeshop for years and he knows everything there is to know about the business. I present three great real-life stories that will reveal little known secrets of the coffeeshop owners, and teach you how to buy and smoke the highest quality goods.
Famous coffeeshops reviews - In our humble opinion, these are the best coffeeshops in Amsterdam. We give you full reviews with maps and addresses. Visit them and let us know if we’ve got the same taste. :)
Anyway, if you plan to smoke some weed or hash here in Amsterdam, this book will be extremely useful whether you used before or not. Hope you will enjoy it!
A funny thing is that ebooks of this type which can be found on the Web cost anywhere between $30 and $50, but you will get it for free with “The Red Light District Guide”! Most of our friends who are regulars at coffeeshops asked us when they saw the guide why the hell we give it for free rather than sell it through a specialized website, because it is really useful and applicable. Scout’s honor. But never mind, it would spoil us if we were millionaires. :)
* Plenty of accurate, first-hand information that will tell you what, when and how to do in Amsterdam coffeeshop scene!
* Maps, addresses and reviews of famous Amsterdam coffeeshops
* Usually costs between $30 and $50, but 100% free for every buyer of The Red Light District Guide so you can get the most out of your trip to Amsterdam!
And that's not all. Since I am very active in forums and Facebook groups related to Amsterdam, where exchange of experience with a lot of people takes place, my inbox is usually overloaded with emails. Having providing some additional benefits to you in mind, I came up with the idea of including VIP mail support for all buyers of the Guide.
* When you purchase the Red Light District Guide, the system automatically logs your email on the VIP email support list. But don’t worry, I won’t send you a thing unless you ask me a question about the District, which I’ll be happy to answer as soon as possible.
* On my own and thy sorrow, all the questions are answered by me, David, not this cutie on the left side. She just comes by sometime to play some games on my lap - err, I meant my laptop. :)
* Your email address and our communication is 100% confidential; I will never show it or sell it to anyone or do any such stupid thing.
Please feel free to contact me and tell me what’s troubling you. Sex with a girl from the Red Light was so good that you want to propose to her, but you don’t know how? You are so high that you don’t know how to find a way back home? You had a fantastic "threesome" an hour ago and you want more, but you are not sure whether it is healthy? Use your VIP email support and write to me, I have all the answers! :)
Before downloading your copy, you might want to read the short text below about no-matter-what guarantee you get if you purchase a copy of The Red Light District Guide?
This is also important, so please read it. I am so confident you’ll love these books that I’m ready to give a full refund to any guy that doesn’t find them useful within 60 days. Just send me an e mail and I will return your money without any questions at all.
Listen to me, if you’ve been following the written material in your copy of The Red Light District guide, and the girl still doesn't want to have sex with you or to give you a good price, you should check the map because you're probably not in Amsterdam :)
If you smoke some goods that you bought in the coffeeshop adhering to my and Marco’s advices and you still can’t get high, you probably forgot to light it. :)
This site and the Red Light District Guide are little more than a year old, and since then a lot of guys bought their copies. The fact that the number of requests for refund is ZERO so far makes me very proud. This tells me that we’ve hit the bull’s eye with the Red Light District and Coffeeshops guides, offering the best information available online, and I am very happy about it.
Ok, now you know what the content of the Red Light District guide is, which bonus gifts you can receive and how satisfaction is guaranteed. There's only one thing I want to tell you and then I will let you download your copy, I promise. :) I want to remind you of one thing that happened to us all at least once in the life. I’m talking about a situation when you come to a great place for the first time. Some fancy club, a new place for winter or summer vacation or anything like that. The time is limited, number of hours or days is limited, so you try to settle in, to move around, meet people and start getting where the good fun is. And then, when the time to go finally comes, the thought comes to your mind. If you would to come again, YOU WOULD KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO AND WHERE TO LOOK FOR THE BEST FUN. And you get that sad feeling. When I wrote The Red Light District Guide I had this in mind precisely – I wanted for anyone going to Amsterdam for the first time to feel like he’s been there already, and to know exactly what, where and how to do things. I don’t want you to waste time in Amsterdam, since you’ll probably be there for just a few days. What I want is for you to feel safe and fulfilled from the first till the last moment of your stay, and bring home nothing but the best memories.
So, guys... It’s time to learn the insider secrets of Amsterdam and create memories that will last you a lifetime. The stuff within my books isn’t only the invaluable information but it’s also fun and hot to read. You will be able to safely explore the Amsterdam on your own and get back home with experiences that no other friend of yours who’s been here ever had. Model-types, threesomes (or even foursomes!), attractive coffeeshops, exotic girls, sensational night clubs - it’s all there for taking if you know where to look and what to do once you find it.
Let’s start! Download my book and start learning the insider’s secrets of Amsterdam within minutes!
The price of the book is $20, and I think it’s a bargain knowing that this book can actually save you hundreds of dollars once you’re in Amsterdam. Of course, your privacy is guaranteed. No one will ever know you bought this book. That’s the advantage of an ebook - no creepy looks from the ugly girl in your local bookstore.
Once you click the Download button, you will be taken to 2Checkout’s secure payment page (2Checkout.com, Inc. is the authorized retailer of my book.) You can pay either by your credit card or PayPal. After you complete your order, you will receive the download link and you can start reading your book right away! And don’t forget to write and email me your Amsterdam story because I would really like to hear it! See you in Amsterdam!
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